I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
