The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
