girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize