when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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