I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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