I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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