Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I believe in your delicious
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
