I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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