Where did you get a picture of my penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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