I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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