Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
