Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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