well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
