Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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