He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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