The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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