You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
