How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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