Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
