Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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