im holly from the hills drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
