I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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