I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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