I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
