I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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