I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize