In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
