she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
