btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
