so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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