she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
