I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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