Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
