she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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