I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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