After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
