i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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