Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
