I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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