no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
