Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
