i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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