as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
