Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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