4 words: hood of his car
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize