dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
