apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
