She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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