the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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