I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
