The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
