Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
