a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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