just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
