nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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