Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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