great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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