Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
