Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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