the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
