went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
