You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
