Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
