I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
