her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
