everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
