ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
