I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
