Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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